My life is an abundance of riches. For example, these little shoes I saw while walking my dog. Being awake and alert at 3am - due to anxiety yes, but here I am sitting in my bed, enjoying the quiet. Having a part-time job that lets me do some good in the world. Even though I'm quite stressed about an upcoming event that I surely won't be ready for.
My creative writing teacher complimented me yesterday. He said my writing is clear and flowing like a creek, and I should share it - and the way I think - with more people. That's what I'm trying to do here. But you know, thinking about the way you think is almost impossible. Since I can't experience the way others think, it's hard to understand how differently my mind may function and therefore, hard to know when I'm sharing anything that would actually be useful or intriguing to others.
I do notice the calming effect writing has on my brain. I seem to settle in and forget the world while seeking the perfect word. I was thinking I would have to take a break from the blog while getting the upcoming work event and other life responsibilities in order, but then I found myself up at 3am writing. I'll pay for it by being a drowsy mess all afternoon and useless in the evening, but mornings are my time.
There is something about writing that allows one to define themselves and surprise themselves doing it, finishing mystified and satisfied at the same time. You can't beat that.
What do we do about the rapidity with which we hurtle through time and space? How we are tossed from event to event, experience to experience, quickly, willy-nilly? I think that is a big part of my anxiety - realizing I can't escape the obstacle course - that which I see coming and that which I don't.
I know for example, I have an upcoming event, two visitors, and a trip to see my 90-year-old father in California, all in the next few weeks. And then there will be the interesting layers woven in between, related to friends, dates, health, dog, house, etc. It's a never-ending cascade of details to be attended to. No wonder I wake up at 3am!
And then, there are those rare and precious days in which time seems almost not to exist because I am in the flow of it, relaxed and laughing, the master of my destiny. Sometimes, just sometimes, writing helps me access these portals.
Remember in the end all that matters is love.
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