I'm thrown off kilter. Did not sleep a wink. The rug was pulled and I was the fool. The elegant Galveston gentleman broke up with me on FaceTime. Elegantly. I was actually relieved but the timing was wrong! He was supposed to take me to dinner for my birthday first. I figured I would probably be the one doing the breaking if our in person meeting didn't create some heat.
Probably not a fair thing to do. The truth is I'm unhappy with my single state and have been working those dating sites, averaging a date a week, none of which has had me head over heels, but still it's an interesting distraction. And who knows when someone might click.
I did not tell the elegant gentleman about the lunch dates since they were innocent and I hadn't actually met him in person. But then I sabotaged the whole thing by writing a love letter to my ex in the last blog. And Elegant has the link.
I don't think he actually read the blog but the energy was out there. He told me I'm too much in my head and when I'm in there I block him out. That's what kept me up all night - trying to understand what he meant. I wasn't sure if it was related to my current anxiety and depression or was something basic to my character. He may be reading this, glad he cut the cord. "There she goes again - overthinking!"
I like to think. Rather my brain likes to think. And it has a lot of well worn ruts where the thoughts go to fester. This is what we have the opportunity to change with meditation. I am still a novice after three years but every day I practice coming back to the breath.
I was most likely going to tell Elegant goodbye because he didn't seem to be all that interested in who I really am. He said "Wow wow wow" when he saw me on the screen, but it was one of those situations where the man sees what he wants. He put my name in his favorites after one chat and was talking about me coming there, going camping, accompanying him to the ranch. But when I sent him the link to my blog he never said a thing about it. And I think my depression triggered remembrances of his ex-wife's mental illness.
Who knows? It's all such a crazy ride. I'm lonely but I won't settle. And it is disconcerting when someone breaks things off when they realize you're not the person they imagined.
My supernatural sis arrived today from California and is on the job - preparing a trauma healing for my out of whack nervous system. She says she will help both of us by calming my energy. Indeed.
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