I met Roger in the park near his home. He's the one who wanted me to come to his house for our second date, but I thought not. It was a lovely park with baseball diamond, trout stocked lake, and good sized trees.
We wandered along a path leading to and around the lake, which was turning colors in the sunset. Roger was telling me how he rarely came to the park even though he loved taking photos of his favorite tree. He felt awkward he said, among the families and couples, and so alone. He asked if I would come walk with him there. I said yes even though I wasn't really sure I would see him again.
Roger gave me all his power from the moment we met at a taqueria when he exclaimed, "You showed up!" It was sort of sweet in that moment and even when he gave me a gift he had made and moved to my side of the table to share photos of his paintings, I was kind of charmed. But calls and texts between lunch and park began to tell a story until I became only a vessel into which he poured his neediness.
At the end of the walk I told him I was busy the next day and didn't answer his calls. The following morning when he texted I told him it wasn't going to work out. In parting, he quipped, "We would have been so happy together."
Meanwhile, my ex husband told me the real reason he couldn't commit when we discussed getting back together was his fear of not being able to make me happy.
What is it with men and happiness?
Don't they know it's not so simple or so difficult? That happiness is ephemeral and what truly matters is love?
In any case, I do love French toast. I have perfected my latest version to be not only delicious but a nutritional bomb.
Ingredients for the mix: 1 egg, some non-dairy milk, a small scoop of collagen peptides, vanilla, cinnamon, Moringa, Lucuma and cocoa powders, and a pinch of salt.
Soak two pieces of gluten free bread in the mix, turning each one over a couple times to soak up as much liquid as possible.
Then cook slowly in a small amount of oil - I usually use sunflower but any kind will do - pouring any extra liquid on top to cook in. It seems like all the powders in the mix create a firmer consistency.
Because I am generally very hungry when cooking French toast, I write while I wait for it to cook. This keeps it from being underdone, but it might be best to use a timer if you tend to get caught up in your writing.
Top off the French toast with some dairy free yogurt (I use coconut), fresh fruit, nuts, etc. Sometimes I add a little maple syrup...
Its only 5:38am and I've written this blog and still have time to read and meditate before its too hot to walk the dog. I love it when I wake in the dark like this and the world feels still and peaceful. I am in an oasis of light, French toast and writing. I am happy.
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