My Mexican ex-husband just called to tell me how alone he felt while attending the 15 de Septiembre Independence Day festivities last night in New Orleans. He sent me beautiful photos from a city finally embracing it's Latino population and heritage.
He caught me preparing to go sell Honduran coffee and embroidery for my nonprofit and thinking whether or not I should accept the invitation to stop at a new beau's house on my way back this evening.
I decided no on going to the gentleman's house. He seems like a great guy but I barely know him and finally am at a point in my life where taking things slowly seems like a good idea.
I told this guy yesterday at lunch how strange I find it to be dating at 62, with body and mind so altered from their young, more supple past. He agreed, but I can already tell he is coming from a very different place than I.
We have some things in common: a certain youthfulness, a love of art (he is an artist), dark blue cars, and we are the same age with similar expectations of the roles men and women play (as far as I can tell). There's a world more to learn about each other and the jury's still out on the je ne sais quoi.
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At this age, it takes courage to continue to date, to look for love and also meaning. There is the sense of time running out and how to make the most of it. How to validate my existence by continuing to do good in the world. And also find time for myself and my relationships.
I realize I have been afraid of expressing my inner self to the world, and that the only way I have made true friendships is by doing just that - by reaching out to someone with honesty and vulnerability, and a little humor!
Since taking up Buddhism - which I did because the teachings resonated as the best version of the truth I have ever heard - I made a commitment to come back for infinite lifetimes until all sentient beings are released from suffering.
I never took a firm stance on reincarnation one way or the other, preferring to suspend judgement about something I know nothing about. Interestingly, Buddhists, who are non-theistic and generally let science be their guide - the Dalai Lama said that if science proves Buddhist teachings wrong, the teachings must be revised - speak unabashedly about reincarnation. Lamas tell their colleagues where they will reincarnate after they die.
Anyway, through these studies I found a clearer lens on life that gives me guidance to discover who I am and lightness to not take it too seriously!
Off to sell goods.
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